Interracial Dating

A couple of months ago my husband and I were out doing errands and we stopped in at a Perkins restaurant to have lunch. It was noon on a sunny Saturday, so the place was pretty crowded. We were told there would be a twenty minute wait. So we took a seat in the lobby.

Seated across from us was a young married couple, also waiting for a table. Hubby and I are partial to married couples who display affection for one another cause that’s how we are and this type of couple seems sparse in most communities. It was apparent to us immediately that these two were in love. They were holding hands and gazing at each other as they spoke. Here’s what else I found apparent. When they weren’t having a verbal exchange, they worked hard on avoiding eye contact with the other waiting customers.

The couple, a black man and a white woman in their early twenties, looked extremely uncomfortable when they weren’t absorbed in an exchange with one another. The young man looked guarded and yet apologetic. The young woman looked a little bit fearful. I looked around at the faces of the other customers. They didn’t seem to be paying much attention to the couple. But the couple’s demeanor of discomfort spoke volumes.

Maybe on this day, with this group of people, in this restaurant, the young couple would face no hostility or insidious stares. But what went on in their life yesterday, last week or last month? What’s waiting around the corner for them next month or next spring?

I admit, when I was a young adult I was AGAINST interracial dating. That was because I had low self-esteem and I saw it as a rejection of me by my male counterparts. But the larger reason was because I was ignorant. Ignorance and low self-esteem are an ugly combination.

Those of you out there for whom this is a non-issue I appeal to you to educate your kids, your family members, maybe even your friends. At this stage in history that young couple should not have to spend their days being fearful or uncomfortable every time they leave their home. Here is the UGLY TRUTH. If this doesn’t apply to you there’s no reason to take offense like I know some of you will.

There are a number of black men who date WHITE women because they are tired of dealing with so many pissed off BLACK women. Obviously not every black woman is pissed off, but there are enough of them to make it look like they are in the majority. Writer/Director Tyler Perry has made a lot of money using this stereotype of black women in his movies (Madea, Diary of a Mad Black Woman).

There are a number of black women who date WHITE men because they are tired of dealing with angry BLACK men who think it’s ridiculous to romance them. These woman would like a little piece of the fairy tale where a man makes her feel like a princess sometimes. Some black woman would like to know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of a loving gaze out in public or a hand-in-hand stroll absent of the bebob dip in a man’s steps.

A number of the white men and white women who date outside their race do so because they are bored with their traditional counterparts. They want a relationship with someone who might be perceived as racier, spicier, or maybe even exotic. Sometimes a white young man or white young woman wants to rebel against their parents. Sometimes it’s just a matter of physical attraction.

Whatever the reasons, during these controversial dating cycles, people fall in love. All the initial motivations fall away and a pair of people just simply clique. And THAT readers, is a beautiful thing. A man and a woman should be able to love whomever they choose without fear of being judged by others. What’s it to us anyway? Why does it matter so much?

UNLESS, your world is replete with boredom OR your life is unfulfilled OR it sucks to be in your skin OR your parents were abusive to you OR you are destitute and therefore angry, then, YES. I see your point and your rationale. Misery does tend to enjoy company. But if none of these apply to you, then I strongly suggest you live and let live.

Eyes wide open, icanseeclearlynow