Raise Your Hand If You're A Nappy-Headed Ho

Don't worry, I'm coming with it. Stay tuned. In the meantime here are the facts.

And the Roar Award Goes To ....

Sherry over at Sage and Thyme did me an immense honor by presenting me with an award for my blog. She has given me the “A Roar for Powerful Words” award from the Shameless Lions Writing Circle. I am honored because Sherry is such a great writer, as well as a gentle, wise spirit, a mother-angel to many of us in blogosphere. I smile when I visit her blog and read her comments because I imagine her blog friends saying, geez what’s Sherry doing hanging out with this big mouth? *giggle*

The instructions for this award are as follows:

Those people I’ve given this award to are encouraged to post it on their own blogs; list three things they believe are necessary for good powerful writing; and then pass the award on to five blogs they want to honor, who in turn pass it on to five others, etc. Let’s send a roar through the blogosphere!

I took a few days to read about the Shameless Lions Writing Circle and visit the blog of its founder, Seamus Kearney, a journalist who resides in France. In keeping with the award's theme, three things I believe are necessary for good writing is:

TRUTH- No matter how difficult or painful it is to write, I think readers deserve to be given the author’s truth as he or she reflects the world through their art.

RATTLE- Nerves and thoughts should be smacked, shaken. The readers should come away from good writing reflecting in a new way, even if only for a moment. An author who rattles his or her readers sparks strong emotion in them.

HUMOR- Everyone of us can identify with someone who demonstrates good humor. Laughter is an elixir, a good medicine. It connects the child in all of us. While humor may not be appropriate for every article, a good writer should be capable of weaving it in on any occasion.

I don’t know enough people on the blogs to choose five, but I do know one. I pass this award on to Nikki. Nikki and I disagree on a number of her views, but I LOVE reading her blog because of the fire she’s unafraid to bring with her words. You should check her out if you have a chance.

Raising Our Kids - Part 2

I DO want to add something about the kinds of jobs parents are doing with raising their kids. I have two daughters, 19 and 16. They couldn’t be more different from each other. I love them both dearly and am extremely proud of the young women they’ve become.

However.

My oldest came to this planet with a mild irritation in her demeanor that morphed into a full blown attitude by the time she was two. It was like she had a few tiffs with my spleen and other innards before she made her appearance in this world.

During her infancy there was lots of crying. If she could speak at that time I feel certain she would have told me that her formula wasn’t warm enough or there was a pea imbedded in her crib mattress.

Thank god her sister came along three years later to distract her from her woes.

Here is my point: this older child of mine was difficult to love. She fought me at almost every turn. My recourse? I had to love her more. I had to show her more love, more patience, more consideration than I did my youngest. It was a pride swallowing, ego-stomping journey layered with gobs of mental gymnastics and hugs and kisses whether I felt like it or not.

Today she is a young woman that I am proud to call my own, I admire her so. A college sophomore with a 3.5 GPA, her drive and focus is a thing to behold. But she is also just as flawed as the rest of us are. What I am always mindful of when I look at her today and reflect on how she grew up, is how different she could have turned out.

What prompted me to write this addendum, was having my bedroom slippers, this morning, suction noisily at a sticky, clear-brown, dried puddle on the white linoleum beneath our fridge. My college girl has been home from school one week, but she’s still a work in progress. Only she would spill a puddle of iced tea in the middle of the night and walk away from it as if she were walking away from a spill in the street.

Oh yes, my lovely girl might have turned out differently were it not for the choices I made. Even if I did something as unintentional as staying out of her way and simply providing for her physical needs, she would have been ruined. So in the end, the truth is, I stand on both ends of this issue. Every individual should most certainly be held accountable for any grievous action they take against another.

But on the other hand, SHAME on the parents out there that indulged their wayward offspring or held their breath as they studied the hands of time, eagerly waiting to turn their unattended trouble-maker out onto the world.

The tears for your train-wreck in some county’s courtroom are for your rotten, selfish self.

Eyes wide open, icanseeclearlynow

Parents of the Criminal Minded

This article is not my usual style.

I re-read the shooting stories of Columbine, Virginia Tech, and Omaha. I think I jumped the gun on what I thought I wanted to say about this topic. As I researched I found that I had a change of heart.

I can’t in good conscience, rip the parents of these perpetrators. Sometimes children come to the planet with physical challenges, sometimes it’s emotional. In response, sometimes parents have what it takes to make their childhood walk healthy despite circumstances, sometimes they don’t.

There is no magic formula.

I will just say this, children: need love and discipline to be productive citizens. They don’t need your friendship, they don’t need your money, and they don’t need a lot of time on their hands while you are off doing your own thing.

The shooters of Columbine, Virginia Tech, and Omaha were all angry young men living isolated existences. Their isolation had gone on too long unaddressed. For any of you reading who’ve been parents of at least one teenager, you know that it’s difficult to stand up and be the repeated bad guy in the life of your offspring. But was it a lack of standing up for the parents of these shooters? I really couldn’t say.

At his sentencing, I read that Michael Vick’s mother sobbed in distress. I rolled my eyes when I read that. How many of you reading this are raising kids likely to torture small animals in the backyard? Not many. OR how many of you are the parents of bullies? I’m thinking most of you are not. I wouldn’t put Vick’s parents in the innocent category. I would say Michael Vick was allowed to get away with a few things he should have been corrected on.

But the parents of Eric Harris, Dylan Klebold, Seung-Hui Cho, and Robert Hawkins, I’m not completely sure what I can say about them. For the families of the victims, my heart is heavy. But it’s also just as heavy for the families of the shooters.

That’s my truth and I’m sticking to it.

Eyes wide open, icanseeclearlynow

The Splintered Group

*Sigh*

How can I lecture at you? You are who you are, afterall.

Last night I watched with helplessness as my 16 year old wipe away frustrated tears. She said, “Mommy, the world’s gone crazy.”

*Sigh*

You moved out of the cities, you bought your big homes. But. You are who you are.

What were you teaching your children while I was raising mine?

So many of her friends are announcing their pregnancies with some ridiculous, teenage, romantic delight. My daughter knows what they probably know deep down and won’t say. Their friendships are over. She must move on without them.

I can’t go into everything this morning. I can’t sleep and am up writing in the wee hours as my household sleeps.

The world has been spinning while you’ve been on your rants or amen-ing someone else's. What do you discuss in your homes with your children? You’ve been telling them something cause I watched them grow and interact with my daughters. After all these years, not one reliable girlfriend can I point to. I saw constant bickering, biting, mean-spirited behavior from your kids. What an unhappy bunch. I'm not even going to discuss the sons you raised looking either lost or angry and stumbling into adulthood without a map.

What were you telling them? A store clerk followed us around for no reason. That teacher does not like my son. That hostess seated us by the kitchen. If we were white, this that and the other. I have to deal with a racist supervisor. They’re not hiring my kid cause she’s …. Oh please DO shut up.

Yes, life is unfair. But. It is what it is. What have you been focused on? Did you teach your children to roll with the punches or to get out there and punch?

What’s your story? Your father left you, your mother beat you, you were sexually abused, you were poor? Or maybe none of these things and you just think America is biased against your kind. Where has that focus gotten you? How did you reflect and explain it to your kids?

Am I pissing you off or am I making you think?

Homophobes, what are you hiding?

I know at least one (there’s probably more) teenager, 17, that is in the closet because his parents are homophobic. He is handsome, smart, thoughtful, and great fun to be around. In other words he’s a good teenager whose parents did a great job raising him.

It breaks my heart that this beautiful kid is living a lie, hiding his authentic self because the two people he loves the most has made it clear to him that they are AGAINST a gay lifestyle.

Why do some of us get so upset about the gay lifestyle?

Why are some of us homophobic and others of us not?

I’m not talking about the bandwagon people who follow the nay-sayers and quote religion and/or for lack of a better explanation will say, “It’s just not right.”

I am talking about the ones who get extremely agitated, those that will even go so far as to commit a hate-crime against a gay person. I’m also talking about those that will dedicate their careers, be it political or otherwise, to fight against every gay rights issue.

I will tell you why. It’s called PASSION. And passion is a dead give-away about what’s going on in your heart, my friends. In case you never knew, I will tell you that EVERY time you open your mouth, you open your heart. Every word you utter reflects your thinking. For instance if you are someone who lies, you’re likely to accuse someone of lying. If you are someone who has cheated, you’re likely to accuse someone of cheating. And so on.

We are only human. And humans are passionate about the things they care the most about. Most of us have either been through a divorce or know someone who has gone through one. Few of us have born witness to civil, clean break-ups. My break-up was ugly and messy. Why so?

Passion. One of us was still in love with the other and was roiling mad about letting go. It would take nearly two years of living apart for the ex and I to accept that our marriage was over and civilly move on with our lives.

So of course when I met my present husband nearly five years ago and saw how incensed his ex-wife was about him remarrying, I knew what I was witnessing. Passion.

My biological family is riddled with homophobic behavior. I have a lovely 18 year old nephew who has his own unique style of dressing; it reminds me of George Michael, the singer from the 80s. He likes straight-leg jeans, patterned shirts, and he usually loops a chain loosely through his belt loops. He has a mane that he’s proud of, sometimes wearing it big like Beth’s son, or in tight short curls. He has a large zirconia in one ear. Two years ago on a very brief visit back home I winced listening to my mother and my brother take turns calling him a faggot.

Two years ago I spent a few agonizing days in one of the southern states visiting my estranged sister, her hubby and their sweet two year old daughter. One morning as their daughter and I were watching Teletubby’s on Nickolodean, he walked into the living room, switched the station and informed me that he doesn’t allow his daughter to watch them due to their possible gay affiliation.

So here’s what I believe about you HOMOPHOBES who are PASSIONATE about being anti-gay. I think if you are a man, you have harbored fantasies about having intercourse with another man. If you are a woman you have harbored thoughts about having intercourse with another woman. And these thoughts scare the crap out of you. You are afraid that something in your demeanor will give these thoughts away, so you speak or act out against the gay lifestyle to show the world that you are as straight as a pin. You speak/act out against the gay lifestyle hoping that this will banish the thoughts.

Of course, we all know that trying to stifle our desires is often a lesson in futility. Thus, the dual lifestyles that many have chosen to lead. I would name a few celebrities, but I don’t want to upset you any more than I already have.

My nephew is straight, but his spirit is broken. He’s already been in trouble with the law on more than one occasion. As for my two year old niece, I predict she will announce that she’s as gay as sunshine by the age of thirteen. Check the blog in eleven years, and I’ll be tickled to let you know.

Eyes wide open, icanseeclearlynow