Life's Balance

There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

--Carl Jung

Why I'll Never Attend Church Again

The word church is from the Greek word, ecclesia, which means “assembly of people.”

According to the bible, the Old Testament, the people of the nation of Israel were chosen by God to carry forward his purposes and promises in the world. Eventually the Israelites failed to keep God’s commandments and were consequently subjected to punishment and captivity. [ref: Dr. J. Rodman Williams, Theologian] Following that, along came Jesus and you all know how that story version goes.

Ten years of my childhood, ages six to sixteen, were spent in active membership of a Baptist church. It was a fairly small church, congregation of 150 during regular weekly Sundays. With the exception of the occasional Christmas and/or Easter programs, my parents did not attend. But my mother stringently required my siblings and I to attend via the church van that presented itself at our doorstep every flippin Sunday.

Despite our initial reluctance it was not an unpleasant experience at all. In fact, those ten years spent immersed in activities like the junior choir, sleep-away camp for two weeks every summer, teen fellowship, teen bible study, those were the best years of my youth. During that period, when violence and turmoil was running rampant in my childhood home, the church offered the functional stability and love that I needed to provide some semblance of balance.

Having decided with certainty that my parents were a couple of asylum escapees, my childish eyes beheld the adults of my church with thankful reverence. In ease, and probably with some desperation, I grew accustomed to the love they proffered via kind and encouraging words. These encouragements spurred on my singing and my writing. When I was 14 my peers performed a Christmas play that was written and directed by yours truly. I fell into the arms of these adults, thankful for warm hugs of greetings every Sunday morning.

Fast forward to my senior year in college. I am planning my wedding and thrilled with anticipation. Not because I am planning some fairy tale princess wedding. Phfft! I’ve never been into that girly crap! My biggest thrill is I am anticipating a family reunion. A love-fest to include all of the people that watched me grow up. See where this is going?

For my wedding 95 invitations were sent out, 25 designated to my church family, including the pastor and his wife. When husband-to-be and I discussed our wedding plans, the only thing that I allowed myself to get excited about was the prospect of seeing my church family again. The wedding day came and went. Not only did NO ONE from my church family attend my wedding, but NO ONE called or sent a card either. Seriously. Not ONE person. I was too shocked to release any emotional response to that episode. No tears, no anger. The only thing I can say I felt was a quiet dismay.

For the sake of my children, several years later I returned to the church. I belonged to a non-denominational church for a few years when they were small. Eventually we stopped. We stopped because they began to see what I saw as a teenager and as a young adult. The hypocrisy was all over the place and I grew tired of explaining the oxymoron of negative behaviors of some of the adults in church.

Here’s what I decided. People attend church for one of two or both things. One is for guidance and the other is for fellowship. The guidance they seek comes through the weekly sermons and the bible study. The fellowship is fulfilled in gathering and exchanging thoughts and ideas with the other members of the church. At this stage in my life I’ve learned every thing I need to know about god’s rules of engagement for living on his planet. And those rules don’t change. As for fellowship, I’m not interested. I have no desire to have my life criss-cross weekly with lives that are not of my choosing. I already get that through parenting and I hate it.

Though we are ALL merely flawed mortals, some of us come with more baggage than others. And for some reason (at least it’s been my experience), the ones with the MOST baggage can be found sitting in church every Sunday. I believe in god, I believe in prayer. That’s all I need.

Religion is a good idea and I understand its concept in promoting social order. This post is not meant to discourage the idea of organized religion. Rather it is a statement on behalf of those of us who are active in our spiritual life, but choose to worship god outside of the confines of a church and its assembly.

Eyes wide open, icanseeclearlynow

Yeah Yeah Yeah- SHUT IT!

Bare with me, I’m writing a book, so I’m kind of slowing down on the blogs. I went through some of your suggestions for posting topics. Sandi suggested that I write about the health care industry. That is a mammoth. But that’s not the reason I’m not going to touch that topic here. My 16 year old almost died in a car accident 20 months ago. She broke every limb and lost her friend, Amanda. My child is still here. Nuf said.

Barrie suggested T.V. show(s) that I hate. Off the top of my head I can’t think of any, but I know they exist. I’ll definitely write about that down the line. Chatti Patti suggested mother-in-laws as a topic. I’ve been married twice and thankfully, I’ve never encountered any difficulties with the in-laws. My first mother-in-law, who I thought was one of the COOLEST persons I’d ever met, passed away a few years ago. And my present mother-in-law is the second most wonderful person I’ve ever known (the first is her son, my hubby). So I can’t do justice to that topic.

Several of you suggested the presidential race. I gave you my take. And as the November elections draw nearer, I will probably write some more on that topic. Here are my next working titles in random order:

Why I’ll Never Attend Church Again

Sex Before Marriage: What Will You Tell Your Kids?

Sluts and Dingbats In Training: Raising Daughters Right!

Euthanasia- To Kill Or Not To Kill

My next post will appear on Sunday, March 2. Yeah yeah yeah. Shut it! I got a book to finish!

Eyes wide open, icanseeclearlynow

Quid Pro Quo, My Turn

Well here are my answers, not because 15 of you responded, but because I got twice the responses that I expected.

Sex Talk
I began having age appropriate sex discussions with each of my daughters when they were five. Prior to that I explained to them about "good touch" and "bad touch." During that time of my life I was a social worker who taught sex education in a teen-pregnancy and drug prevention/education agency. I’ve also used teachable moments when situations presented themselves since each of my girls were in kindergarten. Examples of those moments came through t.v., comments relayed to them by friends, couples smooching in the park, etc. Today they are 19 and 16. We still talk, but it’s more conversational than didactic.

My Drug Use
When they were 14 and 17 I told them a little bit about my experience, which was very minimal, but not everything. I told them enough to let them know that I would not be where I am today if I did anything more than experimenting. What prompted me to tell them was the stories they were telling me about some kids they’d been observing at their school (users and sellers). And they fessed up to their own experimenting as well.

White People & Black History
I’m not qualified to answer what white people think about black history month.

Black People & Black History
I am a black woman. No, I do not celebrate black history month. I’ve never seen a need. I have shared ALL history with my daughters since they were toddlers. They grew up visiting bookstores and libraries with me. We are of mixed heritage: their father and his family are from the Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico. My parents are black, my grandmother was Cuban, and my paternal great-grandmother was white. History envelopes our lives all year long.

Teenage Sex in My Home
No, I would not permit my daughters to have sex in my home, as teenagers. As young adults, probably yes. (If they are reading this, girls, see me to get an accurate definition of “young adult”).

Death Penalty
No, I do not believe the death penalty is an effective deterrent. Non-killers and non-criminal minded people come up with our laws. Outlaws laugh at them.

Would You Kill?
I would tear a femoral artery and/or jugular vein with my teeth if someone were trying to hurt either of my daughters or my husband.

Neighbors
On our left lives a black family and on our right lives an Asian family. I wouldn’t trade them, not because of their ethnicity, but because for the most part, we’re all quiet neighbors and respectful of one another’s privacy. We don’t invite each other over for barbecues but we exchange warm greetings and look out for each other’s homes when one family is away. Further down are three black families that I’d love to put on a slow boat to China, not because they’re black. It’s because they’re city people who brought their obnoxious city ways to our rural side of the world. Idiots!

Bank Robbing Off-Spring
If my child robbed a bank, I would NOT turn them in. If they were career bank robbers, I would have nothing to do with them. But if in the very unlikely event, they were part of a one-time caper, where they didn’t and wouldn’t get caught, phfft! Their secret is safe with me. I believe that all government, corporations, insurance companies, and ALL such big business are loaded with a bunch of crooks with the law on their side. Scammers! Taking the little guy’s money. One bank robbery? Phfft! I’m not giving up ANYBODY!

There’s my take, guys. Thanks for giving me your views!

Eyes wide open, icanseeclearlynow

Quid Pro Quo, Readers....

Let's play a game. You KNOW I love to see honest thoughts put out there. I am willing to do a post answering every one of the questions below under one condition. If I can get just 15 of my readers to answer at least three of these questions, let's say over a period of two weeks. I think that's fair, don't you? Let's give it a whirl. I think it'll be fun. NO anonymous comments please; I don't like spineless people. So let's begin, shall we?

At what age do you talk with your kids about sex? And how much did/do you tell them?

Did/do you tell your kids about your experience with alcohol and/or drugs?

What do white people think about black history month? Is it something you talk about with your family or with your kids or with your friends?

Are there black people out there who don’t celebrate black history month? If you don’t would you say why?

Would you let your teenager have sex in your home or would you prefer they go somewhere else? Don’t say not at all cause that’s not happening.

Do you believe that the death penalty is an effective deterrent to murders?

Under what circumstances outside of self-defense would you kill another human being?

What is the ethnicity of the families to the left and right of your home? Would you change this if you could?

If your child robbed a bank, would you turn them in? Why or why not?

You Readers ROCK!!!

You know, it takes big cahoonas to talk about the things I write about on this blog. I know this. But further, it takes those same kind of cahoonas to leave a comment about my controversial topics.

So I’d like to take a minute to give honor, give a shout out to, give a big fucking high-five to my most consistent commentors. To you all I say, HELL YEAH! Like the red-neck chicks, in Gretchen Wilson song. I think you guys ROCK! Oh yes, there are a LOT of lurkers and regular readers who pop in, read quietly, and leave quietly. Anonymous people. But not you. You may as well be the authors of these controversial topics. Most people are afraid to be seen talking to people like me. But not you. You show up AND you stand UP! And you say YES, Maria. I’ve been waiting for someone to bring this subject up.

For those of you who left more than three comments, I THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! My favorite blogger friends, because they chat with me here on icanseeclearlynow AND on icanseemea, are Cheeky, with 4 comments here, Sherry, with 3 comments here, Misskris, with 4 comments here, Beth, with 5 comments here and Andrea with 5 comments here. You guys are special and I LOVE you much! Seriously.

Another favorite group are the ones that have popped in and left a comment on mostly EVERY single controversial topic. They are Flip-Flop Momma with 5 comments here, Barrie with 4 comments here, and Spades with 6 comments here.

My SUPER-HERO favorite group are the most regular commentors. You are FEARLESS. You speak on many of the topics that others don’t want to touch. Oh how I HEART you! In FOURTH place is Trish, for her 7 comments here. In THIRD place is Chatti Patti for her 9 comments here. Tied for second place is Granny Annie and Sandi for their respective 10 comments here. Drum roll please for my first place commentor and sweet friend, who I chat with regularly on the phone….. Nikki for her 15 comments.

Of course, I must give honorable mention to my THREE TOP FANS that none of the readers will EVER be able to top. My two AWESOME daughters who shocked me by reading regularly, Twinkle and Shrimp. AND the president of my fan club my HUBBY, Quietstorm. They are the best things that’s ever happened to me! Truly.

Thanks blogger people. I HEART you lots!!

Maria

Our Next President: Is America Ready?

.... For her first Mormon President? Maybe. For her first female president? Maybe. For her first black president? I seriously DOUBT that.

I am NOT a political writer. I am an astute observer of people and their behaviors, my own included. I pay close attention to societal and individual trends, motivations, innuendos, needs, and other human conduct. And I write it all down.

That said, if you came here to find out about my politics, you are in for a disappointment. But if you are interested in knowing MY truth about America’s locale in her evolutionary spectrum of equality and objectivity, tune in. You’re in the right place.

Let’s begin with a look at the possibility of American voters choosing a Mormon for her next president. Could it happen in 2008? It certainly can. The question for voters has never been exclusively based on whether or not a candidate’s religion matches their own. For most voters, it has been a question of values: God, family, work ethic, love of country.

Of course there are places in history where we can cite religion as a matter of serious contention and the eventual basis for the voters’ choice. That is in line with the natural unfolding and evolving of any society. But when we take a closer look, the chasm of division was not very wide to begin with. It was simply a matter of understanding that while we were worshipping within separate parameters, we were sharing the same core values.

Historically our presidents were representatives, in majority, of the Episcopalian and Presbyterian religions. It should be noted, however, that Dwight Eisenhower, the 31st president, was of the Jehovah’s Witness sect. Herbert Hoover and Richard Nixon were of the Quaker sect. John F. Kennedy, as we know, was the nation’s first Catholic president. Therefore, it should be understood that non-traditional religious representation in the White House has established precedents.

What’s not been done as yet in American politics is voting a woman or a black man into presidential office.

Would you like to know what my response was to learning in early 2007 that Barack and Hilary would make a bid for the 2008 presidential elections? I rolled my eyes, sighed and said, “I guess we’re in for four more years of a republican presidency.” Why that reaction? Because we are NOT there yet. We are NOT ready.

A woman for president? Maybe. Eventually. But for now Hillary Clinton is NOT the one. Most of America sees Hillary as simply an extension of her husband Bill. And let’s not forget that a LOT of voters HATE her for numerous, legitimate reasons. Voting Hillary into the White House, as far as most people are concerned, would be tantamount to giving Bill four more years on top of the eight years he already spent as president.

A black man for president? I’m not going to say, never. But it’s NOT going to happen in 2008. Why? Race is too STICKY an ISSUE in America. It’s still a TABOO topic. Case in point: several hundred a month read this blog. On average twelve individuals will leave a comment for each article posted.

Barack Obama is one of a kind in American history, the FIRST black leader to stand on a UNIFYING agenda for change. His primary agenda does NOT focus on issues concerning the black community. But unfortunately for Barack and his supporters, what will overshadow his chances are the divisive platforms of his predecessors, the likes of Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Shirley Chisolm, and Carol Mosley-Braun.

Whether or not they were running for political office, historically the primary interests of black leaders have been issues in the black community. I’m not saying that was a wrong position. It was necessary for the socio/political climate at the time.

Whites in America have justifiably bristled in response to the leaders of the black community. On both sides of the racial divide there have been reasons for suspicion of motives. White leaders in American history, past and recent, have not consistently tried to advance the interest of black Americans. By the same token, black leaders of America’s past and recent history, have taken an approach that suggests there will always be an outstanding debt owed by America to the black community. Neither approach can work to advance us as a societal whole. Barack Obama, in his wisdom, recognizes this, thus his unifying change agenda.

The reality is this: typically, precedents are set AFTER unprecedents FAIL. Also, if we are too afraid to TALK about RACE/BLACK/WHITE issues, then we are NOT brave enough to vote objectively, in private, for its representatives. It is only societal ills left unaddressed that run rampant in the dark and undercover: i.e., human trafficking, incest, media black-outs, for a few examples.

Where we stand as an America on our racial divide is still a sore spot that we’re not all ready to talk about… yet. Know why? The road to functional family living begins with a mirror that must be held in front of each family member. Are you really ready to take an HONEST look at yourself? You might want to do that before you head out to the polls.

Eyes wide open, icanseeclearlynow

The 2008 Presidential Elections....

Looks like the gloves are coming off. Hillary is starting to get a little prickly, Edwards, a little whiney, and Obama, though trying maintain his tread on the high road, a tad glib.

My article will appear sometime Friday night.

In the meantime, I thank you for your topic suggestions. I will select them according to their alignment with my posting themes.

"I Have A Dream That One Day This Nation..."

....We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality.
We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities.
We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one.
We can never be satisfied as long as our chlidren are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating "for whites only."
We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote.
No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.
I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.
Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.
I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, that one day right down in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exhalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.
This is our hope. This is the faith that I will go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood.
With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning, "My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrims' pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."
And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.
Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado. Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California. But not only that; let freedom ring from the Stone Mountain of Georgia. Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.
Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
And when this happens, and when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

--Martin Luther King, Jr.

August 28, 1963

Happy Martin Luther King Day Everyone!

Your Suggestions Are Welcome!

I'm supposed to have another post up here soon.

Soooo.... I was thinking..... why not take some topic suggestions! I would love to hear from you guys what you'd like to see me opine on next. You can leave your suggestions as a comment or you can send me an email: icans33clearlynow@yahoo.com.

In case you were wondering, I do intend on writing a post about the presidential elections.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Raise Your Hand If You're A Nappy-Headed Hoe!

The point isn’t about whether or not you feel comfortable with that moniker being assigned to you. The point is the right to free speech, plain and simple. Who among us was even listening to Don Imus before the media hyped this issue up? He is a shock jock, addressing his market audience, giving them what they tune in to listen to. I think he’s a clown and he performs for other clowns. But I don’t think he should have been fired.

The Rutgers Basketball team, who I’m sure had never even heard of him or his show before their call from the media, chose to respond to something that should really have been ignored. I don’t fault the players, those girls were the epitome of grace, doing as they were told. I fault the coach, C. Vivian Stringer, who I knew had her own motives for participating in a media circus. I’ll come back to that.

First let’s review. Nappy-Headed-Ho. Let’s talk about the derivation of these hateful words, words that won’t be found in ordinary English language. The word hoe used in the misogynistic lyrics of some rap music, is slang and means whore or slut. Its origin can be traced to Harlem in the early 1970s, a period of unsettled adjustment for blacks and whites. During this time, the legal and permissible inequities of the employment arena, left blacks with limited opportunities to provide for themselves and their families. A significant number of women turned to prostitution, a business that black men also turned to as pimps.

With braggadocious pride, the black men in this business, referred to themselves as pimps, while in disgust and dismissal, they referred to the women they prostituted as hoes. Eventually these words were adopted into the black mainstream of ordinary citizens.

The word nappy has its roots in British history, its definition, a cloth diaper. During the slavery era in America (1619 – 1860), the word was adopted to describe the texture of black hair. No one can say for sure whether it was adopted by the slave owner or the slaves themselves. What is certain is the slaves continued the use of it and it has been carried on by blacks to describe the texture of black hair since.

It is a derogatory word that black people have “turned around” to dilute its hateful origins. Among black women it has been used humorously to describe hair that needs to be straightened or hair that is beautiful in its natural state. Nappy has also been adopted by some blacks as title to their products, such as a song, a book, or a salon.

But, as usual, the opportunists rared their ugly heads for the chance of having a little spotlight. Let’s not waste time talking about Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson continuing to advance their own self-interest wherever happenstance permits. And I’m not going to discuss the piping up of Oprah and Obama, two intelligent people who should have known better than to give in to the weigh-in pressure. I’d like you to turn your attention to the previously unknown woman outside of the college sports world, C. Vivian Stringer, head coach of the Rutgers Women’s Basketball team.

I’m willing to lay a hefty wager that the girls on that team, who were the “victims” of Imus’ “attack,” are not too happy with Coach Stringer for how she used them to advance her own self-interest back in April 2007. The news of Imus’ “attack” on the Rutgers’ team broke on April 6, 2007. Coach Stringer signed a book deal with Crown Publishing Group on April 19, 2007. Her autobiography is due out in March 2008. Hmmm… could a movie-making be in the works?

And yet, in the face of these kinds of controversy, so many people pop around like puppets, ignoring the REAL issues. The REAL issue is the fact that black people continue to battle their self-loathing, esteem challenges, embedded in their psyche since slavery. This self-loathing causes some black people to act out in hostility and menace towards one another, using words like bitches, hoes, nigger, nappy-headed, etc.

The REAL issue is that there’s an unspoken rule against white people using any of these words to describe black people, meanwhile black people can’t seem to find a way to stop the use of these words amongst themselves. The REAL issue is black people are divided on discouraging the use of these words.

The fact is free speech in this country is not and should not go away. No person or group has any right or rationale to stop anyone of us from saying what we want to say, regardless of their difficult history. The history of the world is this: survival of the fittest. The past is filled with countless races that were targeted with heinous acts against them, not just blacks.

For a lot of black people in this country, the REAL issue is white people, in their eyes, will NEVER be pardoned for the sins their white ancestors committed against the black ancestry as the world evolved and unfolded. THAT is why there will always be marches of protest and press conferences called whenever these situations develop.

Finally, the REAL issue is how easily we fall like dominoes when a hot-button topic flares up in the media-circus. The reality is we live in a capitalist society, where the bottom-line is our bottom-line. We’re all, myself included, just trying to sell our wares. As a result, sometimes, pawns (the girls on the basketball team) and scapegoats (Don Imus) are used. Who among us have not experienced the feeling of being a pawn or a scapegoat? It’s what makes the world go around.

So there it is. Pick your poison. You can play whatever role you like in these kinds of events. Do you want to make money? Have some spotlight? Have a pity-party? Or be entertained? The choice will be available to you at the next coming event.

On another note, name-calling and any reaction to it is soooo third grade.

Eyes wide open, icanseeclearlynow