*Sigh*
How can I lecture at you? You are who you are, afterall.
Last night I watched with helplessness as my 16 year old wipe away frustrated tears. She said, “Mommy, the world’s gone crazy.”
*Sigh*
You moved out of the cities, you bought your big homes. But. You are who you are.
What were you teaching your children while I was raising mine?
So many of her friends are announcing their pregnancies with some ridiculous, teenage, romantic delight. My daughter knows what they probably know deep down and won’t say. Their friendships are over. She must move on without them.
I can’t go into everything this morning. I can’t sleep and am up writing in the wee hours as my household sleeps.
The world has been spinning while you’ve been on your rants or amen-ing someone else's. What do you discuss in your homes with your children? You’ve been telling them something cause I watched them grow and interact with my daughters. After all these years, not one reliable girlfriend can I point to. I saw constant bickering, biting, mean-spirited behavior from your kids. What an unhappy bunch. I'm not even going to discuss the sons you raised looking either lost or angry and stumbling into adulthood without a map.
What were you telling them? A store clerk followed us around for no reason. That teacher does not like my son. That hostess seated us by the kitchen. If we were white, this that and the other. I have to deal with a racist supervisor. They’re not hiring my kid cause she’s …. Oh please DO shut up.
Yes, life is unfair. But. It is what it is. What have you been focused on? Did you teach your children to roll with the punches or to get out there and punch?
What’s your story? Your father left you, your mother beat you, you were sexually abused, you were poor? Or maybe none of these things and you just think America is biased against your kind. Where has that focus gotten you? How did you reflect and explain it to your kids?
Am I pissing you off or am I making you think?
Friday, December 7, 2007
The Splintered Group
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14 comments:
The things you are speaking of here tend to transend racial boundries. I get so upset with the way the kids are here. I am sure it happens everywhere but I didn't see it in my last neighborhood. I often wonder what parents teach their kids but then again, I don't think they teach them much because they are never around.
I have three sons 18, 16 and ten and I have had to break the news that there is no map or book of rules going out into life, but kindness and respect for all people, including oneself. My 18 yo is starting to understand this in action and is disappointed that not everybody else shares the same attitude.
cheeky, i can't even begin to tell you how sad i am about the events of the last few weeks that are unfolding in my daughter's social life. all i can say is that a lot of parents have done a poor job of raising their kids.
trish, the map of which i speak, is not a cure-all. my analogy is a reference to preparation: education, (and like you said) kindness, respect. discussion about what kind of future there is for your kids. that discussion should not happen when the kid is 17 or 18. it should have been happening repeatedly since 3rd grade.
thanks for chiming in ladies.
You know eventhough I know the things you are saying are probably true, it still rankles my fur a bit to hear(read) it. I think this is part of the problem with our society and it shows in the kids. Nobody's really ready to be honest about everything yet. I know it's a fight for me too sometimes...
I am not sure what to say bout this post. I am raising a 9 on the verge of 10 year old and it is such a delightful age.......until 13 hits I will be trying to nip a few things in the BUTT before then. The only thing I have to go on is me as a teenager. There was a lot of pain in my childhood and my teen-age years were not exactly cake. I hear a lot of parents saying " I want my children to have what I never had" meaning material things. When it should have meant a functioning family with parents that lead instead of be-friend their children. Children don't need things nor do they need super "cool" parents. They need leadership and of couse like you mentioned they don't need to be taught that the world is against them....it breeds frustration and anger. But then again sometimes kids do listen to the voices that lead them to a life contrary to the parental guidance....and parenting is hard enough without critical voices.........I don't know the answer. Very thought provoking post. I can see my future coming....and I can't slow it down!!! YIKES!!
Nikki
spades, thank you for your honesty. i know that i have a LOT of silent readers who are black. you are the FIRST one brave enough to speak up without taking a defensive stance.
nikki, oh how right you are about children sometimes being led by voices other than their parents. and thank god for THAT. my parents were loaded with anger and tried to transfer their mentality to us. a lot of it took with my siblings. but i used to look at them like, HUH? my daughters mean the world to me. therefore, i am NOT shutting up and i am NOT going away. i'm here to shake things up for the sake of their future and their children's future. **jake is gonna be fine with you guys loving him together from the start. the loving family is the cocoon against the world. it works, believe me it works!
Hay girl, who gives a crap if you piss someone off? I like what you have to say, and you say it so well...
16 and pregnant...I don't know how they do it to begin with...I have a two year old and even at my age I wasn't sure I knew what i was doing let alone when i was 16.
thanks beth!
bem, trust me, they have no clue about what they think they know.
gosh, I need to go sit and think now..
I've raised two kids and they're now 29 and 31. both good and responsible adults. It was just yesterday they were babies, believe me. I worked for several years in the city school district with middle school kids. I love kids...the good ones, the bad ones, the black ones, the white ones. They could've been purple with green polka dots...I wouldn't have cared. My kids and the kids I worked with loved me. It's because I talked 'with' them. Not 'to' them or 'at' them...but WITH them. I never judged. I disciplined strictly...but with love. I showed them respect. I LISTENED to them...LISTENED!!!!! Do you have ANY idea how many parents never LISTEN?? Or any adult, for that matter? My kids could come to me with questions about anything from sex to rocket science and if I didn't have an answer for them right then, I'd FIND the answer. Bad parenting is a cop-out. A whiny, bratty, I-don't-wanna-grow-up-and-take-responsibility pathetic excuse. These kids don't ASK to be born...the least we can do is give them as decent a life as we can. And this knows no racial boundaries...this is appalling on EVERY level, rich or poor or black or white or inner city or outer city or suburbs or in Fargo, North Dakota. It's everywhere, and it's epidemic. God help our world as we go along. I heard something recently about society without control is chaos. Do I need to say more? Sorry about the rant, missy...but obviously this touched a nerve!
ffm, i'm thinking that's a funny, yes?
krissy, don't ever be sorry about a rant on this blog. it's why i speak, to rattle the conscience. oh i could scream when i think of the number of SELFISH-DON'T-WANT-GROW-UP-parents i've encountered. i think they SUCK! and i wish i could ship them and their off-springs to the moon so they will not reproduce any more on this planet!!!!! f**kin RETARDS.
Wow. This is my first visit to your site (I found you from a comment you left on Beth's (Blind as a Bat) blog), and I must say...
Brava.
I just read through ALL of your posts here, and our perspectives were often so similar I might have written the post myself.
Thank you for not being afraid to put it out there. :)
hi andrea, thanks for stopping by. i'm glad we share similar perspectives. i'm just trying to give a voice to the polite people.
:)
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